It was Christmas once more,
I was taking a peek
At the presents I'd hunted for
Week after week.
Pushing aside that old stringless guitar
And buried beneath some skin-tone old lady bras
Were the things I'd been wanting
Even the new matchbox cars!
"What do you think you're doing?!
You wretched little thing!"
I was pulled away by my ear
Got a pinch, a punch and a cut from Aunt's bling!
"You selfish, ungrateful, platypus of a boy
Now you get nothing, not the smallest toy!"
Later that day, she took all of my presents
and, fire bans be damned, this wasn't a ploy,
She lit them on fire, to my great discontent.
What a cow of a woman,
Aunt Mabel was really a bitch
She could scare crows with a look,
I'm sure she's a witch.
She bullied and whined her way through her life
You don't want to know what she could do with a knife.
I'd taken as much as a small boy can take,
The bitch was going down, there was Christmas at stake!
I snuck into her room,
Heard the shower was running
I clutched the knife good and tight
This would take all my cunning.
A lunge and a stab
The blood was soon flowing.
"I've no idea, officer,
Nope, no enemies, she was so easy-going."
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3 comments:
this is the scariest christmas cheer i've ever read. thanks anyway for dedicating it to me. =)
The next morning I recieved a parcel.
Holy shit! It was from Aunt Mabel.
I opened the package and to my surprise,
twas a dozen peas, steak'n mince pies.
They'll be poisonous no doubt and Ill drop dead on the spot,
so I opened the door and tossed out the lot.
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Much cooler than my one. Glad to see Aunt Mabel is inspiring people to write!
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