Fraudulent Gay Hillsong Reunion

Have just watched an eviction from Big Brother. David, the farmboy who outed himself in the first week or two of the series, was evicted. Now while Channel 10 have milked this for all it's worth I'm going to take my cynical media hat off for a second and enjoy the fact that on a high rating live TV show, they have shown the reunion between the oft-times whiny but genuinely nice David and his male lover that he met before going into the house. As I said, cynical hats off and let me just soak this up for what it isn't but how I will interpret it - a big fuck you to the government and their inability to get their act together regarding gay marriages in this country.

The Supervisor went to church today. Who would have thought? But given my recent exhaustion and a slew of events with female acquaintences, I have been questioning aspects of my behaviour and direction in life. So what better place to reflect on such things than in a church? Well, it wouldn't be a Supervisor story if it was easy.

The first church I went to within walking distance had not one but three (!!) choirs performing. Needless to say this was a slight turn off for me. But I'd committed to attending church this morning so in I went. A quiet place for reflection? Not a chance. I couldn't even get a seat. It was like the Grand Final of church services. Am pretty sure I saw a few people in footy colours in there. The choir didn't even have a guitar let alone a distortion pedal. So out I walked, to a few "who the hell leaves church 10 minutes in" stares.

On to Church number 2. Now the church's doors were well closed. This looked slightly ominous. Why would the front doors be closed just before the service? So I walked around the side and found another entrance. There seemed to be much movement and buzz. This wasn't the funeral-style church service I was used to. Anyhow, I ignored the "Oh, is this your first time here"'s and entered the... auditorium?! Huh? This wasn't a church at all. But by this point I had already walked out of one church and figured I'd likely be paying for this a long long time if I didn't press on. On stage were a group of pretty young things singing their hearts out. Well, at least the music is a little better here, I thought. Everyone was on their feet and clapping and swaying gently. Hmmm... whatever gets you through the service, yeah?

I took a seat, yes I was the ONLY one sitting through this performance. Now I had good reason for this, as I'd walked in after they'd begun and was just a visitor I felt that it was ok for me to sit. And I had come here largely to SIT. So in defiance of common practice I remained seated. And so things began. It's never good when the singer eyeballs you while vocally wooing God coz you're not "getting into it". The other thing was, I figured the song would be over soon. Hah. I *reallllllly* didn't know what I'd walked into. Imagine Stairway to Heaven put on repeat a few times. We're talking that kind of epic length. They'd probly give Diamond Sea a run for its money too.

As time wore on the congratulations and welcomes began. "Great to see so many new people here, X,Y & Z". And that's where I began to shift in my seat uncomfortably. This place seemed like a very pushy attempt at being "hip" and communal. I was scared they were going to make the newcomers speak. They did ask us to raise our hands, which I did very sheepishly as I was by this point petrified that they would ask me what I was doing there.

Pastor : So why did you decide to come today?

Supervisor : Errr... you guys got lucky. The other church was full and I needed a place to sit!

I felt like a total fraud. All these people singing out for God and I'd come in because I needed a place to sit and be me.

And on and on it went. Believe it or not I sat through an hour and a half of this. When the Led Zeppelin inspired youth group came back onstage I decided to bail. I'm sure God would forgive me for this, he's generally good like that. Or so I hear. Upon leaving it occurred to me that I'd stumbled upon a Melbourne based Hillsong church. It's perverse enough to make me want to return next weekend. It really does have that car crash allure about it.